So it was in this same light that a close friend of mine told me of how she heard about a friend of a friend's situation.
So suppose you just got married and move to your husband's house. Your mother in law has been living with her son before he got married to you, and she is widowed so your husband definitely has no plans of her moving out. The problem is, your mother in law was the madam of the house before you moved in, and that has not changed. Your husband is a mama's boy and thus is very close to his Mom. Now, apart from your mother in law basically running the house, you also have to wash her clothes ( panties, bras etc).
You are an educated and successful woman and at work you head a team. However when you get home you feel like a slave. You have spoken to your husband about how you feel, but he is so close to his mother that he doesn't see anything wrong with it. You even want to buy a washing machine just to avoid washing your in-laws clothes but your husband wants none of it.
The thing is you don't want to make this a big deal because you don't want to be seen as an inconsiderate wife but at the same time, the situation is making oyu miserable.
So guys, how would you go about this?
I don't envy the lady in question,but didn't she know the guys mom lived with him? I have a friend who is in the same situation as your friend
ReplyDeleteShe chose to marry him even though she knew he lived with his mum... So she took a calculated risk! I don't think I can do it!! What happen on days u just want to walk around the house naked or don't feel like doing house work and cleaning up and down. Anyways she need to keep trying to appeal to the husband to get a washing machine cus that mother ain't living. And she can also pray God hastens her death( God forgive me) or just treat her like she would treat her own Mum. She is part of the man u love so u have to love her too. Deal with it, carry your cross!!!
ReplyDeleteI know right. Lots of days I just stroll around in my underwear or just lie down under a blanket in front of the tv and my hubby joins me. Days I dont feel like cleaning up and hubby'll say 'enjoy ur life u are the madam of ur house'. Plus nobody will come knocking without calling ahead.
DeleteMy hubby does the cooking every weekend and I always tease him if we were back home he couldn't be cooking because people(inlaws) will say I've jazzed their son. Thank God I don't have to deal with inlaws.
hmmm easy said than done. My mother inlaw satyed with me over a year and it was hell on earth she became d wife of the house, i talked and cried and did all i can to make my husband understand but to no avail. And my moda inlaw said she will never leave. My husband was afraid that if she leaves, she will die. I then made a decision to leave the house for them, after three months of begging me to come back, i gave him my condition, that his mum leaves. Now am back home, shes gone, shes not dead and am at peace.
ReplyDeleteSome MIL's na wa Oo°˚˚˚°! Gone r d days wen women used to take crap from hubby's and inlaws in d name of marriage Oo°˚˚˚°!! If I were in her sheos I'd give my hubby an ultimatum Oo°˚˚˚°! His mum has to step down and let me rrun my home and he must let me get a washing machine or he can marry his mum! Haba!!! Abi no be mama born me. Shior!!!
ReplyDeleteShe should try to be more diplomatic. I don't understand why the husband says no to washing machine though.
ReplyDeleteBt d man no dey try abeg haba why wil he allow his moda to come stay wit no plans of going anywhere honestly I wil jus pack a bag and leave til he make up his mind on wat to do wit her I no dey wash pant etc
ReplyDeleteYou know meeee
ReplyDeleteJeez! Ladies are you for real? She's a mother-in-law and you're asking her son to send her packing??? That's cruel on an old widow who practically made the man you are there to enjoy! that's like robbing her the fruits of her labour. You are suppose to be her daughter and not her adversary
this is a very delicate one ohh, but why is the husband against the idea of the washing machine. that is a plot with his mother to make her life more miserable. but all these wicked mother in-laws who want to be mother and wife at the same time God is watching you on 7D cinema.
ReplyDeleteezechimereuchenna.blogspot.com
For me , she should go ahead and buy the washing machine as well as other things that will make her life easier. Discuss with the husband about getting a place for mama, and if he is cash trapped, she should borrow him the money. My people there can be no peace in Iraq if the MIL is in the house, so by prayer and action she should look for a way to settle the woman outside her home. She should also treat her like her own mother ( be free and honest with her), what she cannot tolerate, she should not start abeg. After all most of us no dey wash our mama undies except in sickness. She is a wife, not a slave.
ReplyDeleteI really don't get why the husband wouldn't let her get a washing machine.
ReplyDeleteShe knew he was a mama's bboy before she said 'I do'.
The best she can do is reason with the husband and pray he comes around.
'God pls give me an amazing, vibrant n independent mother-in-law... Amen!'
Amen my sister
DeleteThis is something she should have thought about and dealt with before marrying the guy.It's going to take a lot of fighting now and a lot of efforts to win in this case.I wish her the best
ReplyDelete2 captains on a ship? It would definitely hit a rock!
ReplyDeleteWe all know there is a DIFFERENCE between your own mother and mother-in-law! We should not pretend about it. No diplomacy would work here! It is who wears the shoes that knows where and how it pinches!
She either takes the bull by the horn or continue to suffer in silence.
Get a washing lady to come every weekend to do the laundry for you.
Get a cleaner that comes on weekend also to help clean the apartment.
While doing this, learn to stay longer hours at work and even go on weekends if possible and be coming home late!
I agree with you my dear. If she doesn't treat you like a daughter, then forget it
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